Guide To Ratings

I use a four-star scale for my ratings.  An explanation of those ratings, with accompanying pictures of appropriate monsters:

* * * *        A Masterpiece with an unforgettable impact.


* * * 1/2    Near-brilliant

You will have no need of emotions. You will become like us.

* * *          Flawed but solid

* * 1/2       Okay but unexceptional

* *             Very weak, though not without redeeming aspects

... the redeemed part is in the writing.  I swear.

* 1/2          Bad


*                Really bad.

There are no words.
ZERO STARS Not only an embarrassment to to the show, but an insult to the entire human race, nay, the universe.  Maybe even insulting to season 1 of Torchwood. May actually cause death to the weak-willed. If aliens invade and destroy our civilization and enslave humanity, it's probably because they caught a broadcast of this episode.

[No monster pic.  If there is a monster this bad, I've apparently blocked it from my memory.  Although I did consider putting a picture of Chris Chibnoll here.]

I don't give out four stars very often, and ZERO STARS much more rarely (thankfully). Those are special, exceptional cases. I don't have a 1/2 star rating because the difference between a single star and half a star is akin to the difference between being devoured by a ravenous pack of wolves and being devoured by a ravenous pack of hyenas. Both endeavors, while perhaps noble, end in tears and unheeded screams for help.

A rating of ZERO STARS is like being devoured by a ravenous pack of Allosaurs. Sure, it also ends with tears and screams for help, but it is unusual and memorable. And in its own tragic, horrifying way, it's kinda cool.