* * * * A Masterpiece with an unforgettable impact.
|EXTERMINATE! ANNIHILATE! DESTROY!|
* * * 1/2 Near-brilliant
|You will have no need of emotions. You will become like us.|
* * * Flawed but solid
* * 1/2 Okay but unexceptional
* * Very weak, though not without redeeming aspects
|... the redeemed part is in the writing. I swear.|
* 1/2 Bad
* Really bad.
|There are no words.|
[No monster pic. If there is a monster this bad, I've apparently blocked it from my memory. Although I did consider putting a picture of Chris Chibnoll here.]
I don't give out four stars very often, and ZERO STARS much more rarely (thankfully). Those are special, exceptional cases. I don't have a 1/2 star rating because the difference between a single star and half a star is akin to the difference between being devoured by a ravenous pack of wolves and being devoured by a ravenous pack of hyenas. Both endeavors, while perhaps noble, end in tears and unheeded screams for help.
A rating of ZERO STARS is like being devoured by a ravenous pack of Allosaurs. Sure, it also ends with tears and screams for help, but it is unusual and memorable. And in its own tragic, horrifying way, it's kinda cool.